I'm reading Judith Levine's book, "Not Buying It; My Year Without Shopping".  I was anticipating the book to be something like a diary of what she felt, what she did, how she justified spending money.  I quickly found out that it is very much a social/political commentary.  I consider myself in possession of a pretty good vocabulary, and I've been known to commit a good phrase or two to paper with pen, but I actually found myself needing a dictionary at times.  Don't get me wrong, the book is well-written, and the author makes very valid points.  It's just not what I was expecting.

I was hoping Hubby would read it as well, but he lost interest after a few pages.  It's not exactly an easy read.  However, Judith DID make me think about why I spend money on what I buy.  When we first were married, like many newlyweds, Hubby and I couldn't afford the nicest of ANYTHING, and made do with what we could buy.  Going to the movies was simply too expensive; for the $20 it would cost for two of us to get in the theater and get a soda and popcorn, we could buy groceries that would last us the better part of a week.  We bought generic, on sale, closeout.  This is very much the same story of my parents.  Mom often talks about the early days of marriage when she and Dad lived on a shoestring and could only afford the cheapest of foods.  Yet she speaks of these times with an air of wistfulness, as if she wishes they could go back to those lean yet wonderful times.

I could never understand why Mom simply didn't go back to the early habits of thrift that were so necessary at the time... until I had racked on a decade or so of my own marriage.  It was as if overnight I found myself in my mother's shoes, looking back with fondness at the yesterdays of living paycheck-to-paycheck.  Back then it didn't seem so fun, but life WAS a lot simpler.  There was no question of if we should buy the frozen orange juice concentrate or the "fresh squeezed flavor" stuff in the refrigerator case.  Concentrate was cheaper, so it was what we bought.

Now, we are by no means wealthy.  We are moderately "better off" than we were 18 years ago when we got married.  Our budget would certainly benefit from a bit more thriftiness, but our spending habits slowly evolved with our increasing incomes.  Now, we buy the "fresh squeezed flavor" juice from the refrigerator case because it tastes better (to us) than the concentrate.  Forget that it is three times the cost; we've toiled for years to earn the priviledge and right to buy something because we like it better than a less costly alternative.  But those times of need WERE good times.  We made do with less and were thankful for what little we had.  Life was lived on the edge perhaps, but we appreciated every little bit we had because we didn't have much.

So that's what it boils down to for me; a sense of entitlement that my increased income and age have brought me.  I've been through the fire, I've had to scrimp and save and do without.  I did the time, and now it's my turn to enjoy the niceties of life.

That being said, I don't consider myself a "mass consumer."  I am not at all interested in fashion. Since I've become self-employed (it's been about three years) I have spent no more than $50 on shoes and clothes in that entire time.  I've never worn makeup, so I've never dealt with that expense.  I'm not a very keen shopper, and have to be in the mood to spend money.  I can happily window shop without a penny on my person.

Yet when I review the budget, I see that money slips through my hands like water.  What exactly AM I buying???  I don't shop often, but when I do I spend money freely.  I've got two freezers full of food, as well as a pantry brimming with items that I haven't looked at since purchasing them heaven only knows when.  My cabinets are chocked full of gadgets I rarely use; granted, many of them are cast-offs from Mom, but still a good portion are my fault.  I have more knickknacks than space to put them, and they languish, unseen, in boxes stashed in the back of the closet.  I will grab my purse and be out the door if Hubby so much as mentions going out for lunch or dinner.

Which is why I've coerced Hubby to observe a one week moratorium on "unnecessary shopping." Judith's experience of no shopping is a bit extreme for me, though she did it as a social experiment of sorts, and I'm just looking for a way to reduce the complexity of my life and slow things down a bit.  I have no problem with occasional treats, but Judith is right about people buying things because of the thrill of the case.  There is something so satisfying about carrying a bag full of sought-out goodies from the store, knowing they are mine now.  It's not necessarily logical, but the ramifications of getting a "feel good high" from shopping can be hard-hitting from a financial standpoint.  I don't want to cause the collapse of the free enterprise system, nor do I want to rally the troops to do battle with rampant consumerism.  I'm just beginning to feel that I don't want to be part of it anymore.  The drive to have things fuels my concern about money, which pushes me to spend more time in the pursuit of money, which makes me feel that since I'm working so hard for the money I should be able to spend it on things... it's a vicious cycle I want to break.  I want a life outside of the pursuit of money.  I want to be able to enjoy just sitting and watching the butterflies flutter about the garden WITHOUT thinking "I could be better utilizing my time." And that is why I want to get off the consumer ride.